For years I had a bunch of things I’d do to make myself feel more sparkly and confident when these were the last things I was feeling.
A selection of go-to pieces in my wardrobe I’d wear that brought I believed made me feel pulled-together. A favorite shade of lipstick I told myself made me look – and therefore feel – more kick-ass. Okay, I admit, some lingerie that under corporate wear would give me a sense that I was being bold, even if I was more subdued on the outside.
The vulnerable change agent
If you hold any sense of personal vulnerability – and, let’s admit it, who doesn’t ?- it can be tough sometimes to work in a professional arena where everyone is smart, focused and impactful.
Especially if you’re in a leadership role or hold the energy of being a catalyst for change.
It’s not that you’re not these things, but at times it can feel like everyone else is just more sorted or together than you.
How do you dare to put your genius out there when she wants to be home under the duvet?
At least that’s a battle I used to have.
I had highs and lows. The highs were good. When the highs were here I needed no tricks to let my light shine. I just engaged with whatever it was I was doing, or whomever it was I was working with, and stuff just happened.
The lows were bad. That was when I felt my light was dulled and needed all the tricks it could get in order to burn brighter. Anything, really, to get back to that good place where flow happened.
In the last couple of years, however, I’ve come to some shape-shifting realizations:
Your light is a constant
It may seem to you, as it used to do to me, that when I was having a meh day, I’d lost access to my brightness.
Now I see that that was never true at all.
Sure, maybe it had been eclipsed by some cloudy thinking or a dip in personal energy. But, the way I look at it now, it’s kind of like the sun. Even on the darkest of winter days, the sun is always there somewhere doing its job. It may look as if it isn’t, but in fact it really still is.
The same is true of your own natural genius. You may feel that that magic mix you can pull on as if from nowhere in your best moments has escaped you. That it’s gone. When in fact it’s just a little obscured.
Ebbs and flows are natural
There’s a lot written in psychology about good and bad feeling; of ups and downs. Till now a lot of it has assumed – like I did – that one is good and the other bad. One desirable, one not. One more natural and normal, the other some kind of problem that we need to do something about.
But what if the ebb and flow was the more natural state?
So many guru life coaches point to babies and children and tell us how naturally happy they are. How that’s our birthright. How we learn, thanks to our upbringing, to be unhappy.
I don’t have children, but I’m an aunt (and a godmother, as of last weekend, but don’t let me digress!!) and my experience of children is that they laugh and cry. In fact, that their psychological state, if you want to call it that, can vary widely in any one day.
It’s not that they don’t have ups and downs like us. It’s that they don’t make anything out of either. So they have nothing on being in either state.
What if we stopped judging the ups and downs and just saw that that’s how it was?
You don’t need to do anything to feel good
The consequence of realizing that your light is always there and that highs and lows are the natural order of thing, is that you don’t have to do anything at all to sort your state out or to get your genius back.
Don’t sweat it.
The up will come when it’s ready. In the meantime, just notice where you are.
Importantly, don’t feel any need to look beyond yourself for answers or to fix things. How many times do we, in our less up moments, see other people’s brightness as having something that will help make us feel more whole? These moments of insecurity, when you click on that guru adviser’s sponsored ad on Twitter or Facebook, are just that.
You don’t need fixed. Life and time will bring their own next up-wave.
Everyone deserves to find and shine their own light
This is a theme we’re going to be talking about here during the month of February. If you want to follow along, make sure you’re on the VIP list for updates by subscribing here!